i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
