And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
