I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
