Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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