An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
