Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
