dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
