Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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