If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
