Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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