My room smells like vodka and shame
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
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I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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