never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
