happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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