i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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