OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Buhtt sex?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
