Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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