dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
