you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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