I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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