yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
