I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
