well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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