shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
