you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
