i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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