According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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