Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
