she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My breasts were aching with rage.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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