worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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