It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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