There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
