The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
