My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
