I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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