My liver just broke up with me...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
