My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
