I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
