he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize