This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
