We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
