i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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