we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
