In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
