Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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