I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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