Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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