Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
