dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
