***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
