If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
