the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize