I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
