I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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