Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
