I'm going to jail i love you
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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