last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
