Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
