We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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