I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
