dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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