apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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