last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
