Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
