what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
