God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
