Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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