Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
