Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
