I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
